I remember being afraid of God.
Not the reverencing, hold-in-high-esteem-because-He’s-God kind of afraid.
Just plain scared.
Because God seemed scary.
My mind created an image of Him based on things I heard or experienced and attributed to this Creator God of the universe. This God who was in control of all things but still allowed bad things to happen and let people die.
He also seemed unreachable. Too holy and too powerful to bother.
And a God who sent people to hell? S to the C.A.R.Y.
SCARY.
So I said the sinner’s prayer ALOT and repented of all my sins before I went to sleep every night so that I would not live eternity in a tormenting, fiery place filled with more scary things.
And, of course, I made sure to say my bedtime prayers.
“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray dear Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake (you know, if that creature in the woods got me), I pray dear Lord my soul to take.”
or
“Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done . . .”
But something began changing. I was slowly being introduced to a God much different than the one I had been serving hiding from in fear. I began to discover mercy and grace and unconditional love and a loving, beautiful God whose thoughts of me are too numerous to count.
A God who rejoices over me with singing.
A God who knew me before I was in my mother’s womb, who planned and designed me, and whose plans for me are for good and not evil, to give me a future and a hope.
A God whose faithfulness reaches to the skies and whose love isn’t based on anything I can do but on what Jesus has already done for me.
A God who desires that ALL people would go to heaven but instead of forcing and demanding and insisting we do it His way, gives us each the freedom to choose.
I don’t have an exact moment everything changed or a date I can show you on a calendar. It’s been a process for me. A gradual knowing and revealing and discovering God as I welcomed the Holy Spirit into my life and began opening the scriptures for myself. An intimate finding of the true nature and character of a heavenly Father as I bent my heart in prayer. Not just a memorized and recited string of words but a vulnerable opening and sharing of the deepest places of my heart.
In our current study with Proverbs 31 Ministries Online Bible Studies, Wendy Blight (author of Living So That) talks about prayer as a way to know God more. And also how the Holy Spirit reveals divine secrets to us as we study His Word.
My heart responds with a resounding yes and amen.
Because this is where I found Him.
To know about God or to simply know there is a God is not that same as knowing God intimately, personally- His heart, His true character, His promises, His Word.
We can know of Him but misunderstand Him. We can listen to what others tell us about Him, but sometimes He is misrepresented – even from the pulpit.
We cannot know God the way He desires to be known unless we spend time with Him.
Time in prayer and time unwrapping truth in His Word.
Our memory verse for Week 3 reminds me and confirms that, yes, God does desire for us to come to Him – to approach the throne of grace with confidence and a bold assurance. How can we come confidently (freely, openly, boldly) unless we have a personal relationship and an intimate knowing of the One we are approaching?
“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).
Until I began to know God (instead of holding to some false idea of who I thought He was) I could not come boldly before Him and certainly did not understand His mercy and grace.
He must be searched out, discovered, and revealed to us by the Holy Spirit. Only then can we know and understand how wide and how deep His love is for us. Only then can we truly know Him.
He is worth pursuing, friend.
There is treasure in finding Him.
Hearts are filled and lives are changed in the presence of this Holy God who loves us more than anyone can ever explain to us.
You, too, can know Him.
No matter where you are in your journey, make the choice today to know Him more.
Spend time with Him in prayer.
Discover Him through His Word and Holy Spirit.
And prepare to be amazed.
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Linking with Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies – Living So That Blog Hop. (Topic 2: Finding Treasure in the Word)
Love the truth you presented, Shelly! I remember being afraid of God and saying those same prayers to make sure I was saved and in His good graces. Praise The Lord we are free from that bondage and so thankful that we know the Our God is a God of love!
Thank you, Erin. Celebrating that freedom with you today!
xo
Loved your words today Shelly. I don’t ever remember being afraid of God. That is scary. I remember having that prayer “Now I lay me down to sleep” in my bedroom when I was 6 years old – memorized and still know it – maybe it is a Texas thing. So glad that He died for us and that we can know Him and make Him known. Hugs. Debbie W. (OBS)
Thank you, Debbie. Yes, so glad and so thankful! Love & hugs to you!
Thank you for sharing your heart, Shelly. I’m reminded of the verse that says, “I have loved thee with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn thee.” Step by step (thru the process) He led you closer and now you are walking in freedom and enjoying His presence. He is good!
What beautiful reminders, Shelly! I grew up thinking of God as scary too. I teetered between that and not believing He existed at all. It has been a long, grace-filled process bringing me to the loving God I know today. I can so relate to everything you wrote here. Thank you :)!
Shelly, I think I grew up without enough “fear” of God- really didn’t realize how big and powerful He was until I grew into my faith. I think I treated Him more like a friend who would share stinky gym socks with me than the One whose feet took my place on that road to Calvary. Funny how we all see Him differently. Love the way He woos us to His heart and keeps showing us who He is as we grow in Him. And, I agree, there’s nothing like time spent in the Word to discover the treasure He is! Wish I could slip into your living room and do Bible study with you… maybe on your couch with a cup of coffee and bedhead?