I know I’ve been quiet here. I do that sometimes when I’m having some feelings I’m not quite ready to share or sure if I should even share them at all. But today, I’m diving in.
I hope that’s okay?
And if you need to dive in here, too, I would love to have the company. You know, sit across this cyber table with a friend and feel these feelings together? Maybe say a lot of “me, toos” and “I know, girl” and grab a sugar-free mocha or Coke Zero?
I would really like that.
Because I cried today.
I’m sure my tears joined a pool of other mamas as you all sent your kiddos back to school, too. But it’s been a whole year since Logan has been to public school since I home-schooled last year. And I guess that’s part of the reason for these feelings. I’m not quite sure what to do with them.
Part of me feels like I failed. And I totally did in many areas. And the other part of me is high-fiving myself saying Woo-hoo, you survived a whole year of home-school and you’re still here to blog about it (because some days I wasn’t quite sure I would – like the day my ten year old locked himself in the bathroom and refused to come out).
And then I feel sad again and then guilty and then I remind myself of all the reasons why I don’t have to carry guilt or feel sadness and that helps a little. And then I wonder Did I make the wrong decision? and Well what in the world do I do now? and How do I do that? and I think to myself That just doesn’t seem possible. Can you see how this conversation is going? This is why I totally needed my girlfriends. I love my hubby but he does not always love this kind of conversation. Like never.
So I mopped and did laundry and made beds and cleaned out the refrigerator and now I’m going to start on the flower beds around the front porch. You know how it goes. We busy ourselves to avoid feeling sometimes. I hate it when I do that (except my house gets really clean and I do love that).
That’s why I decided to take a break and spill here. And then just hit publish without even editing.
Real life, messy, unedited conversations are good for the soul.
So I thought maybe I would use all these feelings to do some digging and uncover more than just the issues with this home school thing. I think there’s a lot more. Like this whole new season I’m entering (this whole new season I’m being dragged into).
Anyone else have a hard time with change? With moving out of your comfortable places and into uncertain, unfamiliar territory? Or having some doubts and anxieties about what was and now what will be?
See how obvious it is that this is about so much more than home school?
I thought so.
Maybe we can continue this talk over this next month and get some things handled together?
I promise not to ramble so much and for sure I’ll do some editing.
I even did a little organizing and made my first editorial calendar this weekend (thanks to Suzie Eller and Compel Training). I picked a theme for September (actually the theme picked me and in a minute you’ll see it and nod your head, I’m sure) and I’ll write about it twice a week. I even sent some of you a questionnaire and survey form and you were so kind to respond so thank you for that. I was amazed at how similar our answers were. We are all very much alike and that’s comforting to me.
More proof that us girls need to stick together (or at least have an occasional coffee date and feel all these feelings together).
Our theme for September will be A New Season – hashtag #anewseason (look at me getting all fancy with a coordinating hashtag). Some of our conversations will look like this:
- How to Recognize When an Old Season Ends and a New Season Begins
- How to Move Forward When You Feel Like a Failure (ahem, hello home-school, ETC)
- Birthing a New Season: The Pain of Transition
- Overcoming Fear and Anxiety in a New Season
- Breaking Up With Comfortable
- The “Perfect” Enemy: Letting Go of Perfection
- When Friends Don’t Go With You Into a New Season
- Five Things That Keep You Stuck in a Old Season
- How to Help Others Succeed in Their New Season
Some of those titles may change a little, but you get the general idea, right?
I’m also working on some things for a women’s conference I’ll be speaking at in Canada the last weekend of September so we may chat about that, too. Or maybe I’ll send out another survey or questionaire. Let me know if you’d be interested in brainstorming some ideas with me and I’ll add your email to my list.
Also, if you haven’t signed up to receive my blog post updates in your email and you want to, you can do that at the top right hand corner of this page.
One last thing.
I’m extending a giveaway I started on Periscope this weekend (because zero people entered and well, I need someone to enter so that I can have a drawing). If you leave a comment here or on Facebook or sign up for my email list or share on social media (be sure to let me know you did so I don’t miss it), you’ll be entered once for each for a chance to win these amazing, heir-loom quality, probably-should-get-insurance-because-they’re-so-valuable -reminder to pray and pause – rocks (aka Logan brought these to me from the river behind my house and I whipped out my paintbrushes and got busy and they cost $0.00 but they are cute).
If you read all the way to the bottom of this very long, rambling post, thank you for hanging in there. 
Now, let’s chat:
Did you send your kiddos off to school today or recently? Home-school, public school, private school?
Are you clinging to an old season or wrestling with a new season?
No school for us until 9/8–most schools in Michigan don’t start until after Labor Day. But our big change/feeling like a failure was last year. At the end of the first quarter we pulled Luke out of the Catholic school he had gone to since pre-k and moved him to public school. Too much political upheaval/change of leadership issues at school for me to feel good about sending him there any more. Compounded with issues with the priest that was leaving . . it all led to a very dry spell for me with God. Luckily, the change to public school went very smoothly (the only issue for that 12 year old boy was all the girls in the new school, ha!) and once I got used to the new priest and God healed my heart, things have been much better at Church, too.
Looking forward to reading more!! Definitely signing up to get these in email!
So glad things have improved, Kris! So glad to have you in this conversation
Oh Shelly – you are amazing! The reality of your heart in this post exposes not failure but the reality of your great love for your son and your desire to do well whatever the Lord calls you to, whatever the season.
I am by far a home school advocate but it’s not for everyone. But what is for everyone is good parenting. And that my friend you do very well. Not because of you but because your foundation is laid upon the principles in the Word of God.
I am very excited about the topics you will be sharing. Especially about starting a new seasoned Ieaving friends behind.
As you grow older there will be new seasons and they can be golden. Praying for you as you enter the journey with much joy.
You are too kind, my friend. Thank you for these words of encouragement that are soothing to my heart. I’m so happy you are diving in here. I am thankful for your prayers.
first day here…4th and 8th grade. transitions are hard! mom not feeling well, lacking sleep, son with adhd and odd…did I mention transitions are hard in our household…it’s wanted to pamper myself for surviving the summer and after the first afternoon after the first day of school…it’s want to crawl in a hole…some days all you can do is whisper the name of Jesus as big black tears roll down your face bc the one day a month that you put on makeup is the one day your son has a huge melt down and you wonder if you are headed to the funny farm.. and how soon is bedtime?
Some days I just try to claim my raccoon eyes as the new “smoky” eye and so far, the funny farm has not come looking for me. Praying for a good 2015/2016 school year. For some reason 4th grade was a struggle for me & my brother but my kids seemed to do ok.
Hi Melanie! Smoky eyes, huh? 😉 Like I told Gena, no funny farm allowed! Thanks for joining the conversation here.
Oh, Gena. I’m so thankful Jesus meets us at the end of ourselves and offers a strength that is beyond anything we could muster up on our own. He is so good at filling in our gaps. I’m praying for you this evening. Don’t you dare check into that funny farm
So glad you are here!
Well about a month ago I sent both of my great granddaughters off to private school and it was quite an adjustment but then everything since the move from Texas to Tenn. has been constant change. At 63 we made a huge change which has meant my being able to be with my daughter, granddaughters and great granddaughters. I have also started a new ministry which was completely out of left field because my only desire was to be with family….but God had another plan. So now at 65 and I thought I would be in complete slow down mode it has been just the opposite and I couldn’t be happier.
Sweet Sheila, I’m so excited to see how God is going to continue to do great things through you! It would’ve been easy for you to say no, but I’m so glad you said yes
You’re just getting started young lady! What an honor to be in community with you.
Shelly, thank you so much for sharing your heart. I am wrestling with a new season and feeling I am getting old. My daughter started her sophmore year of high school and my son started his senior year of college (although he may continue on). But even more, my son turned 21 today and is 6 hours away. I put birthday money in his account and I have a cake being delivered but I am not there. Plus I keep thinking about when I was 21 and the mistakes I made. Trying to let fear take over me as I am the one who thinks of every horrible thing that could happen. To top it off, my daughter turns 16 in September. My kids are not kids (anymore although they will always be my babies). What is my purpose in this new season? God, what are you calling me to do? I love my husband, the father of my children but without kids, do we really have anything to talk about it? Do we like to do the same things? For 21 years, our lives have revolved around kids and their likes. I am not sure I even know what I like to do anymore. I know God has a plan and a purpose and all my fears & insecurities, I place in his hands as I thank him for women who understand and for providing a place for us to share!
Take a deep breath, Melanie
Isn’t it funny (not really) how we think – as mamas – we can control every decision our kids make? It’s so unfair for us to do that to ourselves and to them. It’s hard to watch them make mistakes, but every moment is molding them into the men and women God has called them to be. He is a big God and 100% able to take care of our kids, just like He takes care of us (and I have been quite the handful at times). As far as our marriages, He’s big enough for that, too. I think we begin to discover more about Him in each new season we encounter. Our faith stretches, our trust deepens, and our ability to see Him in all things expands, if we are careful to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. Keep pressing in, sister, And lean in close. He is enough.
As you can see Shelly, I did not do this yesterday – the first day of school. My emotions were all over the place. My only child, my son, started his sophomore year of high school yesterday. That was my last first day of school carrying him. In just a couple of short months, my son gets his license. This is definelty going to be a new season. My life has always been consume around his. I have always volunteered at school (booster club which I’m the president of this year) and been here for him (since I was taken out of work in 2013). Prior to that I worked and volunteered. My life seems at times to be a lot slower than it used to and I DON’T LIKE THAT!!! AND IT’S ABOUT TO GET SLOWER!!! I guess it’s time for me to work on my goals for my life – which I have NEVER made. I like change sometimes, but not sure if I like this one.
I totally understood you post – I think I just rambled. Thank you sweet lady. Love you!
Jeanie Benson
Jeanie, I am SO excited to watch what God does in this next season for you! I’ve been through the whole driving and graduation thing twice now so I do understand your emotions. Everything you are feeling is normal (at least it was my normal). So glad we could ramble together
I hope you’ll come back and join in the conversation for the month of September as we ask God to help us unravel some things and then help us put them back together. Hugs!
I feel like I am constantly moving from one new season to another. And you know what? I love it! I’ve learned to look for God’s purpose in each new season. That helps me embrace all the new things I GET to do, and snuggle close to the sweet memories of what we’ve already done.
Shelly, I am excited to see what this new season has in store for you. You invested a year in Logan that neither of you will ever forget! Love you!!
Christa! Me too! Constantly moving from one season to another in some area of my life. You’d think we’d be a pro at it by now
Underneath the fear and cloud of ‘what ifs’ there is excitement, anticipation and great expectation! And speaking of new seasons! —>YOU! I can’t wait to watch YOUR new season unfold! Love you!
Ahhhh, it is so hard to send our kids off to school (some years have been easier than others for me). My “kids” are in college, but it’s still not fun with see them go back to another state. The only reason I have made it through 5 years of this is the Lord! I am thankful He loves our kids more than we do.
I definitely don’t think you’re a failure. How else were you supposed to find out if homeschooling worked for your family? You seem like an awesome Momma! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!!
Thank you, Sue! I have two older kids, too (23 and 19). So many different stages of life in one house can be quite the adventure! haha
So glad you joined the conversation here!
Ya’ know I’m too old to be sending kids back to school, but not too old to be loving those coming to school as I sub again this year. Colt will be starting mother’s day out and well that is scary worrying about him hurting himself if he falls with his disease.
Love your series. Love the theme and who doesn’t like season changes. Love them all. And I love your banner and those rocks are cute.
Keep on keepin’ on sweet lady and I am jealous you are going to see Erin.
Love you.
Thank you, sweet friend! Come to Canada with me! Or let’s at least plan to visit soon.
Also, I may be joining the ranks of the substitute teachers again this year. We’ll have to swap stories and adventures. Love you.
Without sharing details, I am definitely wrestling with letting go of the old and embracing the unknown new season God is dragging me to. I’m kicking, screaming, crying, and feeling sorry for myself but determined to go where God leads me. The series you are coming up with fits the bill for what I’m going through.
So glad you’ll be joining the conversation, Debi! Hugs!