I don’t know any other way to do it except to just jump right back in.

I’m not quite sure how it happened but I know it has happened before.

Life is moving along, God is speaking, you feel like you are in the middle of His perfect plan and fulfilling your purpose and BAM. Suddenly, it’s not, He’s not, and you’re not quite sure anymore.

And then you begin (for the ten thousandth time) to question your purpose and wonder how you even thought you were called to do what you thought you were called to do because you feel like such a mess.

Because you feel like you make such. a. mess. of. things.

But the Holy Spirit whispers gentle reminders like . . .

Purpose isn’t found in perfection; it’s fulfilled in the surrendering of the sloppy imperfections.

And you remember that life is most often equal parts of burden and blessing, hard and good, heavy and bearable, victory and defeat.

After 12-18 months of brave and exciting, I entered a season of loss and not finishing well and difficult transition. And I’ve just felt like I had nothing to give.

Have you ever felt like you had nothing to give? Nothing to offer? Maybe you’re there now, too.

But I’m rediscovering that it’s in this wrestling of contradictions, in the tension of opposition, that growth happens. More and more growth, and that’s good because we should never stop growing.

Growing and stretching and breaking and becoming.

Following Jesus doesn’t mean there won’t be struggle, in fact we can be sure there will be. But in the struggle, we find our strength and realize our need and remember His faithfulness.

Because it’s in the breaking that the light breaks through.

It seems we go through repeated cycles of the same. Cycles of the same in differing seasons and transitions and each feels a little familiar but requires new determination and the continual waving of this white flag called surrender.

Determination and surrender and the hard work of breaking out – out of comfortable places, out of selfishness, out of bad habits, out of sin, out of preconceived ideas and fleshly pursuits and expectations.

Over and over and over again.

It’s all an invitation to lean in, you know?

To lean in close to Jesus. Jesus who saves and makes whole and sets free.

An invitation to draw ever nearer. To exhale. To breathe deeply of His richest mercy and grace.

I don’t know about you, but today – I’m a mess. My human frailty continually reminds me of my desperate need of a Savior.

The only answer I can ever give and the only hope I can ever offer here is more of Him.

Can I pray for all of us who feel like a mess today?

Prayer:

God, You are good. You are rich in mercy and abounding in grace. Help us to lean in today. Forgive us for giving in to doubt and fear and confusion when we feel like a mess or make a mess of things. Instead, let Your mercy and truth and grace ring loud in and through our imperfections. Help us find my strength and realize our need and remember your faithfulness when we feel pressed on all sides. By faith, we exhale now and release all our cares and concerns to You. We surrender all. Thank you for loving us always. In Jesus’ name, Amen.