Shelly A. Faust

I’m sorry, Jesus.

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I'm sorry, Jesus. I close my eyes and I can see the trail left in the dirt. I can hear the shuffling of His feet.

Jesus, making his way to Calvary.

The crowd is angry, unrelenting, murderous even. Shouts of hatred fill the streets.

“Crucify Him!” they say. “Crucify Him!”

Jesus’ innocence had been confirmed by Pilate, the one who held the authority to release Him, as He questioned the crowd earlier that day.

“Why? What crime has this man committed? I have found in Him no grounds for the death penalty.…” (Luke 23:22).

But they continued to insist Jesus be crucified and that his fellow cell mate, a murderer, be set free.

“…with loud shouts they insistently demanded that He be crucified, and their shouts prevailed. So Pilate decided to grant their demand. He released the man who had been thrown into prison for insurrection and murder, the one they asked for, and surrendered Jesus to their will.” (Luke 23:23).

As I meditated on this scene this morning, I began to take a deeper look at the crowd. They are irrational. Out-of-their-minds-crazy. Their demands to kill Jesus are filled with rage and fury. They’re mad. They’re emotional. They’re not thinking clearly. Their words and actions are intense and fueled by passion, anger and hatred.

What has really  brought them to this place?

What has made them so angry to not only push Jesus away but to want to kill Him?

What has happened to make them so hard and rigid and bitter?

What is the root of their anger?

It’s easy to condemn those who condemned Jesus that day, isn’t it? It’s easy to read these verses and think how dare they . . . how could they. . . I could never . . . ?

But how often have I rejected Jesus? How often have I been so angry and so mad that I pushed Him away? How often have I been so mad and so hurt and so emotional and so confused and so disappointed that I would’ve spit in His face or screamed at the top of my lungs or . . .

Wait, what?

I wonder if some of those in this crowd were disappointed and angry because they felt like Jesus didn’t do what He said He was going to do? There was much expectation that Jesus would set up an earthly kingdom when in fact His plans were for a spiritual kingdom.

I wonder if some of those in this crowd were insulted and offended at Jesus’ message of repentance? Blinded by self-righteousness and pride? Or perhaps they felt judged and misunderstood the reasoning behind His message? Maybe in their own selfishness they were confused and missed His extraordinary sacrifice of love and mercy and grace?

Or I wonder if life had been cruel to some of them? If maybe they had been abused or hurt or devastated by tragedy? Abandoned by family or mistreated by friends or maybe some had even been falsely accused themselves?

Because life can be cruel sometimes, can’t it?

And when faced with the harsh realities we sometimes face here in this imperfect world, we are also faced with a choice. A choice to harden our hearts and turn away from Jesus or a choice to open our hearts and surrender to Jesus.

Hurt and disappointment and even the invitation to deny our sinful, selfish habits can cause us to accept the love and mercy and grace of Jesus or to miss Jesus.

I don’t want to miss Jesus. Even in and especially in the midst of whatever in life might cause me pain and disappointment.

Because when I miss Jesus, I miss mercy. When I miss Jesus, I miss love in its purest form. I miss grace for the hard things. I miss forgiveness of my sins. I miss joy in the midst of sorry. I miss peace when my heart is anxious and in turmoil. I miss redemption. I miss healing. I miss provision. I miss eternity.

The crowd missed Jesus that day.

Jesus was falsely accused. Despised and rejected. Hung on a cross.

And the crazy thing?  He willingly died.

For the crowd.
For me.
For you.

He was mocked, ridiculed, abused, broken, wounded, pierced…

Crucified.

And yet He loved.

“It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into Your hands I commit my spirit. When He had said this, He breathed His last.” (Luke 23:44-46).

Friends, the good news is the story doesn’t end here. Tomorrow is another day.

And Sunday? Yeah, Sunday’s coming.

Let’s not miss Jesus.

Prayer:

Jesus, I don’t want to miss you, even in – especially in – painful, hurtful, disappointing circumstances. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the times I was angry and bitter and pushed you away. I’m sorry for misunderstanding the purpose behind the things You’ve asked me to do or asked me to give up or asked me to walk away from. I’m sorry for misunderstanding You and the reason You died on the cross. I don’t want to be blinded by my own selfish desires, by anger, by emotion. I surrender my life to You. I choose to accept Your love, Your forgiveness, and Your grace today. I choose You, Jesus. Help me to understand and to trust You even when I don’t. Thank you for dying on the cross for ME. Thank you for loving me even when I didn’t love You. Amen.

From a Hotel Room In Louisiana

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We got the call this week that Aunt Helen (from my husband’s side of the family) passed away. So we packed up Wednesday evening and drove to Louisiana.

I also attended a memorial service on Sunday and we have another funeral back home on Saturday.

The past few years I think I have seen more death and felt more grief than in my whole life.

Death is not something any of us get to escape. The time will come for each of us to breathe our last breath here. Just as we were born, we too will die. The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 3, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die . . .”

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens- a time to be born and a time to die

As Christians, we take comfort in knowing that breathing our last breath here means awakening in the presence of our Savior Jesus. When God created man, He breathed life into him. He formed his body and then breathed into him His life-giving spirit, the very soul of man. So when we die, our breath of life -our soul- returns to our Creator.

Jesus tells us, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live” (John 11:25).

Because of Jesus, we can look ahead with confident assurance that when we leave this temporary dwelling place we will live forever in heaven. And we can find a measure of comfort in knowing we will be reunited with our loved ones who go before us.

But what about now? What about these minutes between our being born and breathing our last breath?

How are we using this gift of living? Are we stewarding this God-breathed life well?

Am I?

Are you?

Facing death certainly causes one to reflect and evaluate. At least, that’s what it does for me.

I want my life to be a reflection of God’s goodness on earth – of His grace, His mercy, His love. But often my life – my attitude, my words, my thoughts, my actions – reflect this old, temporary and fallen world.

Romans 12:2 says, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

The good thing about having a blog is I can write whatever I want to write here (that can also be a not-so-good and very scary thing). It’s an online journal of sorts (using discretion and wisdom in sharing, of course). I think I forgot about that part for a bit, the daily, weekly or monthly sharing of real life, raw and unedited. We (I) can work myself into a tizzy trying to write the perfect article or construct the perfect quote to garner the most likes and comments. Today I’m weary of striving and popularity and (mostly self-imposed) pressure to fit in.

I also understand the responsibility of using my gifts and talents with excellence. As a writer, that includes being savvy in words and marketing and yes, even social media. As a business owner, that includes being savvy in all of that plus business and finance and more.

So how do we take all these things we’ve been given, all the various pieces that make up our individual lives, and use them to display God’s goodness on earth? How do we use these minutes between life and death the way God intended them to be used? How do we keep our motives and attitudes and heart pure?

We start with Him. He is always our starting place. When everything we do originates from the place of His presence, from a heart and life surrendered to Jesus, our lives can’t help but be a testimony of grace and mercy. Does it guarantee a life untouched by tragedy? No. Does it promise happiness without heartache? No.  Does it guarantee grace and mercy and companionship to help navigate the tragedy and heartache? Yes. Does it promise hope when all feels hopeless or light in the darkness or forgiveness when we make a mess of things? Yes and yes and yes.

We don’t have to wait until we get to heaven to live a transformed life. In fact, we mustn’t.

So some questions to myself today in this raw and (mostly) unedited blog post that started in a hotel room in Louisiana and is being finished in the car somewhere between Baton Rouge and Beaumont, is how can I be a better steward of my life? How can I make the most of these minutes I’ve been given? What needs tweaking? What needs letting go? What do I need more of and/or less of?

When we ask these questions and then position ourselves to listen by getting still and quiet, my experience has been God speaks.

God speaks . . . and then we get to choose to obey or to not obey.

We’re all going to leave our fingerprints on this world. I want mine to speak to future generations of God’s goodness and point others to hope, mercy, grace and life eternal. I bet you do, too.

So thanks for hanging in here with me til the end of my ramblings this morning. I’m thankful for my readers, for my friends, my family. And right now my heart is a little more tender towards this gift of relationship and a lot more aware of how precious these moments are.

Are you feeling loss today? Are you feeling hurt or hopeless? Are you unsure of where you’ll be tomorrow if you breathe your last breath today?

Leave a comment or send me a private email. I would love to pray for you.

Love,

Shelly

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure (Hebrews 6:19a)

Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him.” But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. I call out to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy mountain. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me. I will not fear though tens of thousands assail me on every side. (Psalms 3:2-6 NIV)

You are like light for the whole world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. 15 No one lights a lamp and puts it under a bowl; instead it is put on the lampstand, where it gives light for everyone in the house. 16 In the same way your light must shine before people, so that they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:14-16 GNT)

The Power of Staying

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The room was cold and the contractions were strong. I was 19 and just minutes away from becoming a mother for the first time. In the middle of my pain and overwhelming anxiety, I remember saying, “I changed my mind. I don’t want to do this. I can’t do this.”

Because that’s what I sometimes do when things get uncomfortable.

And I was certainly uncomfortable.

It felt too hard and too scary so I was ready to walk away from it. Except there are some things you can’t walk away from, right? Ready or not, like it or not, I was on the brink of giving birth to a 9 lb 1 oz baby girl. There was no walking away and no turning back. I had to stay.

And through the staying, a miracle was born.

If only we could be forced into staying every time we were minutes away from our miracle. But most of the time, we don’t know how close we are. We feel the pain and discomfort and we walk away before our breakthrough.

But I’ve learned there is power in staying.

Staying makes room for miracles. It grows roots, confirms covenants, and changes generations.

David stayed in the battle even when Goliath advanced. God took what was in David’s hands and used it to defeat the great enemy that stood before him (1 Samuel 17). David’s staying secured complete victory for the Israelite army.

Paul and Silas stayed in prison even when the doors were opened. Their staying created opportunity for the jailer and his whole household to be saved (Acts 16:25-34).

Esther stayed in the palace, even when faced with the possibility of death. Her staying saved her people.

Nehemiah stayed on task and continued rebuilding the wall, even in the midst of opposition and intimidation. His staying restored the hope of a nation.

Sometimes God commands us to go.

But other times He asks us to stay.

No matter what He’s requiring of you today, He promises to be with you.

We don’t have to be moved by our emotions; we can be made stable by the Word.

We don’t have to follow our feelings; we can stand firm in our faith.

Is there some place God is asking you to dig in and stay?

Dear God, Thank you for promising to never leave us. We know we can trust that no matter what you ask or require of us, you will be right there with us. Open our ears so we can hear Your voice clearly. Soften our hearts and give us desire to obey. May we have the courage to stay when You say stay and go when You say go. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.

“At the command of the Lord they remain encamped, and at the command of the Lord they journeyed . . ” Numbers 9:23

 

A Prayer For All Of Us Who Feel Like a Mess Today

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I don’t know any other way to do it except to just jump right back in.

I’m not quite sure how it happened but I know it has happened before.

Life is moving along, God is speaking, you feel like you are in the middle of His perfect plan and fulfilling your purpose and BAM. Suddenly, it’s not, He’s not, and you’re not quite sure anymore.

And then you begin (for the ten thousandth time) to question your purpose and wonder how you even thought you were called to do what you thought you were called to do because you feel like such a mess.

Because you feel like you make such. a. mess. of. things.

a prayer for all of us who feel like a mess today

But the Holy Spirit whispers gentle reminders like . . .

Purpose isn’t found in perfection; it’s fulfilled in the surrendering of the sloppy imperfections.

And you remember that life is most often equal parts of burden and blessing, hard and good, heavy and bearable, victory and defeat.

After 12-18 months of brave and exciting, I entered a season of loss and not finishing well and difficult transition. And I’ve just felt like I had nothing to give.

Have you ever felt like you had nothing to give? Nothing to offer? Maybe you’re there now, too.

But I’m rediscovering that it’s in this wrestling of contradictions, in the tension of opposition, that growth happens. More and more growth, and that’s good because we should never stop growing.

Growing and stretching and breaking and becoming.

Following Jesus doesn’t mean there won’t be struggle, in fact we can be sure there will be. But in the struggle, we find our strength and realize our need and remember His faithfulness.

Because it’s in the breaking that the light breaks through.

It seems we go through repeated cycles of the same. Cycles of the same in differing seasons and transitions and each feels a little familiar but requires new determination and the continual waving of this white flag called surrender.

Determination and surrender and the hard work of breaking out – out of comfortable places, out of selfishness, out of bad habits, out of sin, out of preconceived ideas and fleshly pursuits and expectations.

Over and over and over again.

It’s all an invitation to lean in, you know?

To lean in close to Jesus. Jesus who saves and makes whole and sets free.

An invitation to draw ever nearer. To exhale. To breathe deeply of His richest mercy and grace.

I don’t know about you, but today – I’m a mess. My human frailty continually reminds me of my desperate need of a Savior.

The only answer I can ever give and the only hope I can ever offer here is more of Him.

Can I pray for all of us who feel like a mess today?

Prayer:

God, You are good. You are rich in mercy and abounding in grace. Help us to lean in today. Forgive us for giving in to doubt and fear and confusion when we feel like a mess or make a mess of things. Instead, let Your mercy and truth and grace ring loud in and through our imperfections. Help us find my strength and realize our need and remember your faithfulness when we feel pressed on all sides. By faith, we exhale now and release all our cares and concerns to You. We surrender all. Thank you for loving us always. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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